Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Official Minivan of Motherhood

Queen of the road: As a mother, I've learned to let a lot of things go. I no longer wear cute shoes to grocery shop, my eyebrows are unplucked, and there are streaky baby handprints on most of my shirts. But despite my permanent commitment to the disheveled-chic look, I've always prided myself in one thing: I don't drive a minivan.
I've always considered minivans the ultimate symbol of parental dorkiness. (Moms who drive minivans, don't get mad yet. Stay with me here.) To me, driving a minivan is like waving the white flag of surrender. It's like saying that the kids have totally taken over, that you'll never again go to a movie alone or sit through all of church or eat at a restaurant that doesn't have plastic cups.
But when my car was in the shop and I borrowed my mother-in-law's minivan, I had a total change of heart. Her Chrysler Town & Country was so comfortable, so luxurious that I didn't want to give it back. That must be why the minivan is the official car of motherhood. Once you have kids, it's so much easier to drive than any other vehicle. Gone is the need to contort yourself into totally weird poses while trying to either lower (for sedans) or raise (for SUVs) your child to the appropriate carseat level.
And most of them are so loaded now that you can have leather seats, a DVD player and a gold-plated hot tub installed, if you wish.
As if to cement my conversion to the minivan cause, celebutantes Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have been cruising around in said vehicle on their reality show "The Simple Life." In the fourth season of the show, broadcast on the E! network, Paris and Nicole attempt to out-ham each other with laughable and appallingly fake ineptness as pretend housewives. They may not be able to cook a lamb, or vacuum up Cheerios, but they do have one part of domestic life nailed: their sleek, shiny Toyota Sienna minivans. Now that's hot!
-- Elyssa Andrus
This story appeared in The Daily Herald on page B1 on June 21, 2006.

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