Hit the road, "Jack": Humilivision has reached a new low with "Outback Jack," TBS's mean-spirited show that rips off both ABC's "The Bachelor" and CBS' "Survivor" by making debutantes compete in the Australian wilderness for the affections of a 28-year-old East Melbourne native.
(Not to give it all away, but he's hot. And has big muscles. And feels really, really bad that not all the women can continue the journey each week.)
The first episode kicked off with bottle blondes in sequined gowns being forced to put on pink jumpsuits and skydive out of an airplane. Many were visibly shaken, crying and showing what are sure to be the most genuine emotions of the entire run.
Careful editing has ensured that everything out of the contestants' mouth subsequently is either a complaint about the accommodations -- there is a lot of "eww-ing" -- or a complaint about the grooming limitations the Outback imposes. Which, as you may imagine, are considerable.
On one hand, it is hard to feel sorry for any reality-TV contestant (particularly ones with the money to drop $5,000 on implants and spiffy wheeled suitcases). After shows like "Joe Millionaire," and "Average Joe," applicants should expect a bit of a plot twist here and there.
But "Outback Jack's" sole purpose seems to be to ridicule women who aren't comfortable wrestling crocs or eating bugs for dinner, sneering at the fact that they don't like to sleep on rocks.
Well, I don't like to sleep on rocks.
Most rational, sentient people don't like to sleep on rocks.
To do so makes irrelevant the progress of, say, the last 1,000 or so years.
Lest viewers cast the first stone, it's important to remember that while they mock and retire to their feather beds, the pampered princesses of "Jack" are keeping it real in the Australian Outback.
How's that for spoiled?
-- Elyssa Andrus
This article appeared on June 30, 2004, in the Daily Herald.
http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/109481/149/
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