Baby get back: It seems like there is a magazine for everything, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before savvy publishers launched one about the wonders of plastic surgery.
According to publicity materials, NewBeauty magazine is "a beautiful glossy dedicated to cosmetic enhancements."
Ironically enough, a press release announcing NewBeauty's launch also shared these nonsurgical tips for achieving an attractive rear view, which I am happy to pass along to you, dear reader:
Avoid jeans with small, widely spaced back pockets: They only add width to your bottom.
Look for jeans with a contoured waistband: A pair that is slightly higher in the back than in front will create or accentuate curves.
Opt for jeans with a low rise if your backside is on the flat side.
Then again, if all else fails, there's nothing a scalpel and a few days of recovery can't fix.
The B.A. stands for born again: Apparently, the time I spent getting a bachelor's and master's degree was a huge waste, at least if you believe the spam in my e-mail inbox.
I recently received an e-mail advertising a "Genuine College Degree in Two Weeks!"
Text of said advertisement: "Have you ever thought the only thing stopping you from a great job and better pay was a few letters behind your name? (Heck, yeah!). Well, now you can get them.
"These are real, genuine degrees that include bachelor's, master's and doctorate degrees. They are verifiable, and student records and transcripts are also available. ... Just call the number below."
I'm so there -- in just 14 days, my name can be followed by not just two, but six letters ... Elyssa Andrus, S.U.C.K.E.R.
Has a nice ring, doesn't it?
-- Elyssa AndrusThis story appeared in The Daily Herald on page B1 on Feb. 16, 2005.
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