One thing I love about Utah -- particularly Utah County -- is it's pretty easy to be close to your neighbors. This is literally the case when you live in a subdivision and the houses are practically stacked on top of each other. We had a new family move in next to us a few weeks ago, and they are everything you could ask for in people who share your lawn. They have a cool family band that I've never heard practicing late at night, and a bunch of red-haired teenagers who look like they could be siblings to my children. Really, they are the best. Which is why I was only too happy to get their mail and pet-sit their goldfish while they went on vacation for a week. Picking up mail is no big deal. And I like to look at fish, but not eat them, so I figured that made me a great candidate for freshwater babysitter. I got a little nervous when the mom, Martha, told me that the goldfish were a couple years old, but I still figured I could handle it.
Wrong.
I actually kept the goldfish alive for almost the entire week. The morning my neighbors returned, I went in to give the fish their morning meal and found them belly-up. I kept hoping it was a funny animal trick -- something straight out of "Finding Nemo" -- but, alas. They were very, very dead. And I'm still not sure what I did to make them that way.
Talk about awkward. Hallmark has yet to make a greeting card for this kind of thing. There is no tasteful way to say, "I'm really, really sorry I killed the only living thing you've ever entrusted to me, but I promise to do better next time." Or, "I'm really, really sorry it took me a week to get rid of what you've spent the last three years carefully nurturing." Or, "Your fish are dead/As you can see/ Your big mistake/ Was trusting me."
On the bright side, proving my incompetence early on has likely gotten me out of years of neighborly favors. When the family at the end of the street needs someone to watch their pet ferrets while they go out of town, you can bet they won't be choosing me.
-- Elyssa Andrus
This column originally appeared in the Daily Herald on July 23, 2008.
Postlude: In church a few weeks ago, another neighbor bore testimony of how his child's fish was magically resurrected through prayer. Sure could have used him when I was blubbering over a stinky bowl.
3 comments:
How come I had to hear about your blog through the grapevine? Look at all I've been missing! You are hilarious and I love to read your posts. About that family picture at the bottom...you need to add the one where you guys are holding Josh as a baby and the spit-up is hanging in mid-air. That's a classic!
Love you!
Natalie
Wow good thing your a lot better with kids, maybe I could send over my sisters dog I've been looking for a way to get rid of that thing. Just Kidding sorry to rub in the tragedy but it is truly hilarious!
Your fish are dead/As you can see/ Your big mistake/ Was trusting me.
I cried laughing at this. Mostly because it is hilarious but also because of its striking similarity to "The pelican, the pelican..."
Best blog ever.
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