Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot

A few years ago, I taught in the communications department at Brigham Young University. My time there was brief and unremarkable, but it landed me on the Web site Ratemyprofessors.com. Ratemyprofessors.com is, apparently, a high-tech way for students to spread the word about pushover teachers. And, boy, was I one. Well, I was hardcore about two things: attendance and deadlines. Beyond that, I was a creampuff, easily manipulated and always willing to get sidetracked from a grammar discussion by the mention of Britney Spears.
Oddly enough, my ratings reflect an average easiness and helpfulness. The only area where I have a perfect score is "Hotness." I felt really good about myself when I first checked the Web site, until I realized I could trace nearly all the comments to immediate family members. I appreciate their loyalty, just as I am sure I'll appreciate their support when I finally get braces. ("Those metal brackets really complement your eyes!" "Great job matching your rubber bands to your handbag!")
The one comment on the Web site that sounds decidedly unlike family is this: "She is hot but inside is a mean person." The sentence composition makes me think of the only student I ever failed. This is a student who, after I had multiple discussions with her about not accepting late work, sent me a text message saying she wasn't going to turn in her paper on time. Her boyfriend had dumped her; she was "broken."
I'm painfully slow at texting, so I didn't write back to ask if "broken" literally meant her fingers couldn't type the simple assignment that was due. She didn't come to class much after that, and either promptly forgot about me or -- as I suppose -- vented her frustration online.
The saddest part is I don't even care that someone believes inside me lives a mean person. I just look at myself in the mirror, see the wrinkles, the crooked teeth, the doughy stomach, and remind myself that no matter how bad it gets, I have this: Somewhere in cyberspace, a mad, anonymous student thinks I am hot.
-- Elyssa Andrus

This article orginally appeared in the Daily Herald on Oct. 22, 2008. Reprinted with permission.